My breath hits the cold air like a warning. Telling me to stay back; don't do this. But I must. I must end this ear of my life once and for all.
I walk up the steps to a dark room. He lays on his bed, turned to his side with his back facing me. I haven't seen him for three years. I wanted to see his face one last time, get a good look at him. Sitting on the floor next to his bad, I gaze at the sleeping man. He hasn't changed a bit, and yet, my body and mind changed. I no longer feel I can go through with this, I missed to him too much. I missed his face.
This dagger clenched in my hand had purpose at some point but now, it's nothing. It looks like a way out, a plan. But my grip loosens and it slips onto the floor. Instead, my hand reaches for his face, his hair, his hand... anything.
I move my face close to his and take in a deep breath. Closing my eyes, I take in the scent of him, remembering his glorious smell. I always loved the way he smelled. He shuffled under the sheets and moved his body laying on his back. His arm was sprawled out in front of me, almost inviting me in. I lift myself from the floor and softly lay next to him. The sheet is pulled up to his waist, letting his naked torso gleam at me. His glorious chest was a memory to me and I felt my mouth water at it's sight. I ran my fingertips down the middle of his stomach, feeling him clench his muscles under me. He moved his left hand to his stomach and unconsciously rub in his sleep. I managed to get free just in time.
Moving my sight to his face again, I look at him and felt the tears swell in my eyes. I cried silently for him. I loved him too much to kill him. Tossing my tears aside, I leaned in close to him and kissed him softly on his lips. After a few seconds, my kiss intensified and I felt his kiss back. I slowly pulled away and opened my eyes to him. His eyes were open and tears ran down his cheeks as well. He held my face with both of his hands and pulled me towards him in an embrace that I’ve been waiting three years for.
His hands moved from around my face to around my body, pulling me into him and holding me close. I began to cry again, in happiness. So happy to have him holding me. Happy to finally have his fingers run down my body. This experience all too familiar to me.
Abandoning my weapon on the floor, abandoning all my views, abandoning everything I had planned to do. I gave into the temptation of this past love and kissed him back how I've always dreamed. This was really the way out. This feels much better inside. No words spoken, no pain felt, nothing. Only our kisses and caresses mattered. He sat up to meet my face and took my jacket off. Now I sit in a t-shirt and jeans, kicking my shoes off. His body under the sheet was completely rid of all clothes as I soon realized once I crawled under the covers with him.
He held my close and whispered, "You have no idea how much I missed you. Searching all over for you I almost lost hope. But you’re her. Oh, you have no idea how much this means to me."
He held onto me so tight, you would have thought he was falling. Our naked bodies lay next to each other in embrace and love, happiness and content. He moved his kisses towards my neck and my body melted making the rest of me warm.
I ran my fingertips down his spine, driving him crazy with passion. His kisses were becoming slower and he was losing all concentration. He only focused on his back and my hands manipulating his skin. As his body lay on top of mine, I felt him grow slowly as the pleasure boiled his blood. I started kissing his neck, touching and sucking all the right spots, licking all places I knew would drive him crazy. I was right and he was insane with desire. I rolled him over on his back and sat on his stomach. His glare that hit my eyes was an intense look telling me how much it is killing him. Lowering my lips to his with a smile, he kisses me wildly, moving his body into mine and pressing against me. I pulled away and ran my lips all over his chest and stomach, kissing his flesh and licking his skin everywhere. I moved my lips down and kisses his hard on slightly. He skipped a breath at my kiss and urged me on.
"I missed you so much. You have no idea how much I missed y-"
His words cut short when I lowered my lips onto his cock, kissing and sucking him like I had before. I opened my eyes and looked up at him to see his hands pulling at his light locks, his eyes rolling in the back of his head, and his sweet tongue licking his lips between erratic breaths. My pace quickened with his breathing as I pumped my lips up and down. His stomach tensed and I saw his muscles rippled tight as he unloaded in my mouth. He moaned a sweet scream into the nite making my body tingle at the sound of his voice. I swallowed every blessed drop of him, licking my lips to taste the thick cream. My hunger for him pumped him dry and took everything out of him. Laying breathless on the bed, sweat formed at his temples as he pulled my face up to meet his.
He sat up, leaning me down on my back. He went right for my neck. He kissed my neck so hard it burned, but it burned with pleasure. Growling and moaning onto my skin made it vibrate adding to the enjoyment every place he touched. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him close. I wanted him so bad right then. I wanted him to be with me forever and to kiss my for all eternity. His lips shifted to my chest kissing my sternum and teasing my breasts. He looked up at me with those gorgeous, piercing eyes and smiled. I knew it.
"Please, don't tease me. Don't."
I pleaded but he just laughed and continued. He opened his mouth and slowly began to lower his teeth to my right nipple. It hardened with the anticipation and he hovered his open mouth over it. After his breath hit my skin, he kissed it. The tasty tongue circled around my pierced nipple, biting gingerly and sending a pulse throughout my body. I ran my fingers through his hair on the back of his head and he stopped teasing me. He massaged my chest with both of his hands while sucking on my skin leaving parts discolored with friction and bite marks.
He sat up and looked at my body, laying with my legs under him. He smiled and placed his hand palm down on my stomach. His hot skin felt good and I placed my hands over his. He began sliding his palm down over my cunt and pressed hard. I was already drenched by his actions and his caresses. He leaned down and licked all my juices. He sucked on my clitoris and slid his finger into my pussy, taking time with his actions. I pulled at the red bed sheets and opened my legs up wider for him. His name escaping through my lips softly as he flicks his tongue and spins my head, bringing me closer to an orgasm. His kisses were driving me insane and I wanted him to fill me. I needed his cock inside me so bad.
I cried out for him, "I need you now. I need you inside me. My body needs you inside me."
He entered my aching hole, slow and gingerly at first, but quicker and quicker. My breasts were pushed against his chest and he held onto me tight. This is what I wanted all along. Not revenge, not death. His love. I needed the passion of him pumping inside of me. Him whispering inside my ear "I love you". His warm breath telling me how much he cares for me. My small answers can't compare to his passionate confessions but I feel it inside. I feel the same feeling inside that I have been when ever I've been with him. Happiness.
As he brought his kisses to my lips one more time I came hard. I came and felt my whole body being taken over by the orgasm. He exploded inside of me, filling me with his passion and love. He fell onto my hot, aching body and held me close. I looked at him and saw white smoke. White smoke? Where is that coming from? Cold air escaped his lips and I felt cold all over.
I was outside. I was sitting on the steps outside his apartment. My mind went away with me and I found my nite of passion was all a dream. A stupid fantasy that will never happen. I felt the dagger in my hand and saw my breath pour out of my mouth.
"I have to do this I have to do something. I can't live like this."
I walked into his bedroom and saw his sleeping body laid under the covers. He was breathing lightly and his back was turned to me. I wish I could see his face. I wish I could hold his body one more time. I began to walk over to the other side of the bed but I stopped myself. No. I won't. I walked to the side of his bed and looked at his back. The curve of his spine delicately disappeared under the blanket. I pulled out my dagger and looked at the shiny blade.
"Could I really go through with this? Could I really do this to him?"
Apparently I could. The blade went in easy, piercing his right lung through his back. Police found no fingerprints, no witnesses, no evidence. No one had any clues. The case was closed. I disappeared from there to never go back.
Before I left his room, I wanted to look at his face. I had to. I walked around to his front. The pain woke him up and the pierced lung made it hard for him to breathe. But he was still handsome. Despite the blood dripping from the edges of his mouth, he was gorgeous. A tear fell from his eye as I raised my hand to his face. He touched his hand with mine and held on tight. He held onto my hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. I looked at my blood soaked hand and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my gut.
But revenge was mine. I had finally gotten redemption for all the pain he had caused me and all the nites that I had been home crying myself to sleep.
I looked back at him and his eyes closed in his final time left. He was gone. He was officially out of my mind and out of my life. I kissed his forehead and as I began to rise to walk away, I noticed something sticking out of his dresser drawer. I pulled it out and saw it was a picture. A photograph of me and him together. I remember this picture and I remember how much fun we had that day on the beach. The picture shown him sitting on the sand with me in his lap. The smiles on our faces were timeless. Amazing experiences never fade.
I looked down at the open drawer and saw among other pictures, a huge pile of letters. Hundreds of letters. Some written on little napkins and scraps, other written on pages and pages of loose leaf. All written to me. The letters were addressed to me and they all said different things. I grabbed a pile of them and sat on the floor reading them. The tears poured out of my eyes as I read how he cared for me still. He has been thinking of me all these years but never said anything or let me know. So he wrote them in letters; letters he never sent. Letters that, if he would have sent, would have kept him alive today and would have saved our relationship along with my sanity. I put them all in a backpack he had laying on the floor and I left his dead body laying on his bed.
It took me over a month to read everything he wrote to me. I didn't eat or sleep much during that time. The letters were detailed writings of everything that was happening to him. Everything he thought, everything he did, everything he was feeling. He wrote it all on a piece of paper each time he experienced anything. And he wanted me to know about it all.
I ever cleaned the blade. His blood was still on it and it made it so much harder to push into my dying heart to be with my one true love.
<lj-cut text="despite the fragile hurt so cursed"