josh (ae84) wrote in obscenism,

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The freezer keeps food good, why not cats?

So, I had to go on a little business trip and I had no one to feed my cat while I was away. I had to think of a plan fast because I had waited until ten minutes before the cab was going to come. I was desperately searching for some spare meat or supplements that I might be able to leave for him. I stuck my head down and looked under the sink; there was only trash, but when I lifted my head, I hit it against the edge of the door. That is when a strange memory came back to me:

Kim and I had gone to Costco and I had purchased some bagels. We had returned to our apartment and were placing the groceries in their designated areas, when I noticed that she was putting my bagels in the freezer.
I asked, "Why Kimberly, what do you mean by putting my bagels in the freezer? Is this like the time I put Iain's underwear in the freezer as a joke? Are you joking?"
She said, "Why no silly Josh. The freezer keeps food good so that if you ever have to go on a little business trip, it will be here when you get back and you can eat it."
"Hmm, interesting," I thought to myself.

That is when I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my cat by the tail so that he wouldn't be able to scratch me, opened the freezer door, and hurled him in. I closed the door, left for my trip, and thought no more of it... until I returned.

I opened the freezer door to find that all the food being stored in it had been torn to shreads. My cat's eyes were wide open with a bit of frost over the lids. I pulled him out to scold him about ruining all the food, but he just sat there staring straight ahead. This pissed me off more than the food so I bitch slapped him. Still, no response. "Hmm, this is odd," I thought.
A few hours later, Kim returned to find me snapping my fingers in front of our cats eyes. She asked me what was going on and I told her about everything and how our cat had ruined our food. She began screaming at me hysterically as if I had ruined the food. Now she is bawling on the sofa. What did I do wrong?
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